How Do I Answer This Question: Do I Stay, Or Do I Go?

1 Corinthians 7:13–16 (NKJV)

¹³ And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. ¹⁵ But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. ¹⁶ For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? What would help answer these questions in a case that troubles the conscience of someone's faith in Christ's institution of marriage, whereby He has sanctified the vows of two people joined together?

First, you need to examine the quality of your repentance. To assess your repentance, you may need to return to the "vision" you had for marriage. Did you enter the marriage to be holy before God and to live for the glory of God in the face of Christ, who sees all, knows all, and controls all things according to the power and counsel of His own will to conform you to His glorious and incorruptible image? Marriage is a corruptible institution because it was made for man in the fleshly union of two souls becoming one spiritual house in the dimension of God's creation of darkness and light (1Cor.15:29-34). But souls that were created in darkness bring their darkness into this fleshly union that God created to dwell in the light of His life (Jn.3:19-21; Lk.11:23-28; Matt.12:42-45), for God is light and in Him is no darkness at all (1Jn.1:5). Therefore, the institution must be cleansed of the power of darkness so that the two souls may abide in the light of Him who has called them out of darkness and into the light (1Cor.6:14-20). Therefore, when trials come into a marriage, the measure of repentance must be considered when asking the questions presented by the Apostle when divorce becomes a genuine option. But those who facilitate the divorce must be cautious, as warned by Ezekiel. In this context, Ezekiel is calling for the uncleanness to be purged, not to be tolerated. Those who value the holy institution do so because God's stamp of witness is upon it, but if the witness of men is upon it, then it grows accursed (Gal.1:6-10). It is a false prophecy (1Cor.11:5, 17, 20, 26, 31-33; 13:9-4:1).

Ezekiel 13:1–23 (NKJV)

¹ And the word of the Lord came to me, saying, ² “Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel who prophesy, and say to those who prophesy out of their own heart, ‘Hear the word of the Lord!’ ” ³ Thus says the Lord God: “Woe to the foolish prophets, who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing! ⁴ O Israel, your prophets are like foxes in the deserts. ⁵ You have not gone up into the gaps to build a wall for the house of Israel to stand in battle on the day of the Lord. ⁶ They have envisioned futility and false divination, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord!’ But the Lord has not sent them; yet they hope that the word may be confirmed. ⁷ Have you not seen a futile vision, and

have you not spoken false divination? You say, ‘The Lord says,’ but I have not spoken.” ⁸ Therefore thus says the Lord God: “Because you have spoken nonsense and envisioned lies, therefore I am indeed against you,” says the Lord God. ⁹ “My hand will be against the prophets who envision futility and who divine lies; they shall not be in the assembly of My people, nor be written in the record of the house of Israel, nor shall they enter into the land of Israel. Then you shall know that I am the Lord God. ¹⁰ “Because, indeed, because they have seduced My people, saying, ‘Peace!’ when there is no peace—and one builds a wall, and they plaster it with untempered mortar—¹¹ say to those who plaster it with untempered mortar, that it will fall. There will be flooding rain, and you, O great hailstones, shall fall; and a stormy wind shall tear it down. ¹² Surely, when the wall has fallen, will it not be said to you, ‘Where is the mortar with which you plastered it?’ ” ¹³ Therefore thus says the Lord God: “I will cause a stormy wind to break forth in My fury; and there shall be a flooding rain in My anger, and great hailstones in fury to consume it. ¹⁴ So I will break down the wall you have plastered with untempered mortar, and bring it down to the ground, so that its foundation will be uncovered; it will fall, and you shall be consumed in the midst of it. Then you shall know that I am the Lord. ¹⁵ “Thus will I accomplish My wrath on the wall and on those who have plastered it with untempered mortar; and I will say to you, ‘The wall is no more, nor those who plastered it, ¹⁶ that is, the prophets of Israel who prophesy concerning Jerusalem, and who see visions of peace for her when there is no peace,’ ” says the Lord God. ¹⁷ “Likewise, son of man, set your face against the daughters of your people, who prophesy out of their own heart; prophesy against them, ¹⁸ and say, ‘Thus says the Lord God: “Woe to the women who sew magic charms on their sleeves and make veils for the heads of people of every height to hunt souls! Will you hunt the souls of My people, and keep yourselves alive? ¹⁹ And will you profane Me among My people for handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread, killing people who should not die, and keeping people alive who should not live, by your lying to My people who listen to lies?” ²⁰ ‘Therefore thus says the Lord God: “Behold, I am against your magic charms by which you hunt souls there like birds. I will tear them from your arms, and let the souls go, the souls you hunt like birds. ²¹ I will also tear off your veils and deliver My people out of your hand, and they shall no longer be as prey in your hand. Then you shall know that I am the Lord. ²² “Because with lies you have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and you have strengthened the hands of the wicked, so that he does not turn from his wicked way to save his life. ²³ Therefore you shall no longer envision futility nor practice divination; for I will deliver My people out of your hand, and you shall know that I am the Lord.” ’ ”

In other words, divorce may be the best thing to bring healing in a marriage to save a soul (or souls involved) from hell (1Cor.5). The conscience must be free to choose according to that spirit which abides in it to live at peace with his or her place in the world, for the mind (or spirit) set on the flesh cannot please God (Rom.8:5-8). We are called "to mourn" the sin (1Cor.5:6). Therefore, when a spouse doesn't have the spiritual strength "to lead" or "to follow" with the Spirit of God against the spirit of the flesh because the Spirit of God is not in one or the other to lead or to follow, whatever the case may be, then a divorce may be the healthiest thing to do to preserve the soul that cries for sanctification (Lk.18:1-8). It is not self-righteousness to cry for sanctification (Lk.18:9-14). It is not a sin to recognize our weaknesses and strengths by "asking these questions" (1Cor.7:13-16). Therefore, a pastor must not lord the marriage institution over the liberty of the conscience (1Cor.10:29), but must work to draw out the motivations for the marriage so that they can discover why the marriage isn't working to sanctify them closer to the glory of God (1Cor.7:16). 2 Corinthians 3:15–18 (NKJV)

¹⁵ But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. ¹⁶ Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. ¹⁷ Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. ¹⁸ But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Romans 7:1–6 (NKJV)

¹ Or do you not know, brethren (for I speak to those who know the law), that the law has dominion over a man as long as he lives? ² For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. ³ So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. ⁴ Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another—to Him who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God. ⁵ For when we were in the flesh, the sinful passions which were aroused by the law were at work in our members to bear fruit to death. ⁶ But now we have been delivered from the law, having died to what we were held by, so that we should serve in the newness of the Spirit and not in the oldness of the letter.

We are called to cleanness, and we are not to defile our spirit, which is impossible to defile, because our spirit is preserved incorruptible in glory, assuming that the spirit that is in us is for the glory of Christ and His Word as the purpose for which you are living (Heb.4:12-13; Rom.8:9-17; 1Cor.2:6-16). 2 Corinthians 6:17–7:1 (NKJV)

¹⁷ Therefore “Come out from among them And be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, And I will receive you.” ¹⁸ “I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” ¹ Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

1 Peter 1:3–5 (NKJV)

³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, ⁵ who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

1 Peter 1:13–16 (NKJV)

¹³ Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; ¹⁴ as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; ¹⁵ but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, ¹⁶ because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”

1 Peter 1:22–2:3 (NKJV)

²² Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, ²³ having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever, ²⁴ because “All flesh is as grass, And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass. The grass withers, And its flower falls away, ²⁵ But the word of the Lord endures forever.” Now this is the word which by the gospel was preached to you. ¹ Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, ² as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, ³ if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.